Stop the Bully!

Stop the Bully!

Bullying is common within our society. It occurs at school, at home and in the work place. It is the nasty part of human nature. Bullying is about power. In particular it is about the abuse of power.  Someone in a position of power seeks to control or influence another person.

Why do people bully?
Bullies are unhappy people. They try to influence others and cause others either emotional or physical pain. Why? – because they want others to suffer as much as they are and they want to have the illusion of feeling powerful.  We should feel sorry for bullies, as they are sad and unhappy people with limited capacity to understand human emotion.

What do we do?
We must stand up to the bully and stand firm. No one has power over another individual, unless that individual gives away their power.
It is hard to stand up for yourself and stand firm. You have to be confident and assertive and state your position. Some tips:

• Think about the issues yourself – writing down your thoughts and feelings can help. You are not going crazy, but you must remain in control of your own emotions.
• Try to stay positive – bullies can get you down, but try not to let them get to you.
• Try to ignore the people who harass you – walk away; refuse to engage in conversation with them.  You don’t have to respond to their rude statements or harassment.
• Be confident and assertive – use “I” statements.  “I don’t like the way you spoke to me”, or “I think your comments are inappropriate”.
• Stick up for your friends – you are stronger in a group. So always look out for your friends.
• Find someone to talk to – talk about your issue with a trusted friend or counsellor.

We must learn to deal with bullies – bullies are everywhere! We can’t avoid them, but be ready to learn from each situation. Each time you are bullied, you can learn a way to cope with it or deal with it better.

Feel sorry for the bullies – but whatever you do, don’t turn into a bully yourself!

While you may think that the bully is able to rise to high positions, in the end they are alone and very unhappy people.

Practice kindness and compassion, treat others with respect, and be kind.

Stop the bully, by being assertive, calm and respectful. Don’t let these unhappy people make your life as miserable as theirs!

Don't Let VCE Stress get to you!

Stress and anxiety affect most of us from time to time.

Stress and anxiety during VCE is to be expected. Often young people put pressure on themselves to achieve. Parents and school expectations are also factors that contribute to rising stress levels in young people.

It is important to have some stress and anxiety about the approaching end of year VCE exams; otherwise no one would do any study! However, too much stress and anxiety leads to feelings of hopelessness, excessive anxiety and even depression.

Getting professional help to manage thoughts and emotions is sometimes helpful for young people.

Some quick stress release tips for VCE Students:

• Find some positive quotes and print them out and stick them on your wall or on the front of your folder.
• Write down everything good and wonderful in your life right now!
• Go for a walk and be in the moment – smell the roses, look at the colour of the leaves on the tress, look for the first signs of spring.
• Doing something you really enjoy, then make a list of things you really enjoy and do one each day for a week!
• Take a whole minute to eat a tiny square of chocolate.
• Find an inspirational song and listen to it when you feel a little uptight.
• Buy yourself a stress ball and squeeze it!
• Take time out from study each day to look at your goals and focus on your dreams!
• Play sport or do some strenuous physical activity.
• Take a bath or a shower.

Always focus on the positive and what you have achieved so far. If you are completing a VCE subject you are in your final years of high school – how wonderful! You have the rest of your life ahead of you and what potential each of us have for a truly wonderful future!

School Psychology Services enjoy working with young people to help them reach their full potential. If you would like to seek professional help for VCE Stress or anxiety, contact Deborah Jepsen.

Also ask about our Life Coaching for VCE Success. We have a 10 week program designed to help VCE students refine their study skills, learn specific study skills and reach their potential!

Girls love to talk!

A recent Stony Brook University study has found that too much talk about their problems may lead middle school-aged girls into more depressive symptoms (Scientific America Mind, July/August 2009).

Girls tend to co-ruminate about their problems – they spend their time dwelling on problems. This often leads them to feel sad and hopeless about situations and these problems remain the centre of their attention. While talking and sharing with others may promote healthy relationships with peers, it can also lead to more depressive symptoms.

Girls tend to analyse and discuss their problems.  This often leads to a negative thought cycle. Often their peers are uncertain of what advice to give to their friends and they simply talk about an issue, rather than find constructive solutions.

Skilled psychologist and counsellors play an important part, especially with teenage girls as they can help these young people develop coping strategies, look at different options and perspectives, and help re-frame dysfunctional thing patterns and styles.  It is important for young people to talk about their problems, but talking with a skilled professional is essential.

School Psychology Services provides expert counselling to help young people manage their problems and develop positive coping skills to manage everyday life. Navigating through the teenage years is difficult, however with support and counselling you can have wind in your sails to make the journey a little easier!

The pace that society moves in this techno-gadget new world order is amazing! Young people are experts at multitasking – homework, talking with friends and surfing the net while sending a text is common in a young person’s bedroom!

People are becoming techno junkies – they are afraid to be away from their computer for too long.

The brain processes of individuals needing to always be connected are similar to those addicted to drugs. Sometimes it seems that there is no escape!

What can parents and teachers do if they suspect a young person is addicted?

Key Ideas:

• Explain to the individual the problems associated with addiction (i.e. Social withdrawal, bright lights at night may affect sleep, importance of reducing number of hours “Plugged in” etc ).
• Individual must recognise there is a problem – if any progress is to be made.
• Limit technology use – where possible. However, withdrawal may result in increased levels of anxiety.
• Suggest an alternative to technology use, such as talking with friends face to face, doing some exercise or reading a “paper” book.

Useful Information:

• Kids and Tech: How much is too much?
• Personal Tech Addiction Snares Teens, Adults
• Teenagers at Risk of Internet addiction
• The rise of Technology addiction
• How to Tell If You Are Addicted to Technology

To Risk

Risk taking is an essential skill for young people to learn. Teenagers are often accused of engaging in excessively risky behaviour.

Yet this is not always the case; some young people don’t like to take many risks at all.

We need to teach young people to take calculated risks.

Often teenagers and children lack foresight. They don’t think beyond the next moment and need instant gratification. Taking risks, trying a new food, or sport are essential skills that should be encouraged.

I like to share the following poem with some of the young people I talk with.

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward

Teenagers

All teenagers need clear expectations. They need structure, clear consequences and a consistent approach.

Developmentally, teenagers are seeking:

• Independence
• Control
• Choice
  and
• Identity

Teachers and parents need to model ideal behaviours.

Imposing heavy-handed discipline sets up unnecessary confrontation which is often counter productive.

It is important to talk about ideal behaviours, to be more reflective, and to find constructive and cooperative approaches. Teenagers will work collaboratively with teachers and guardians they respect.

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