Change
Change is part of life. Without change and adapting to new situations we are not able to grow. A quote that is often wrongly attributed to Charles Darwin is: “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, or the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” This is true; we must adapt to new situations and make changes in our lives.
Often a life coach or counsellor can be a facilitator for change.
However, sometimes when is difficult to change our immediate situation, we must change the way we think about it!
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
~ Mary Engelbreit
Change part of life’s journey and this is illustrated brilliantly in the story of crabs by the Sea.
Crab in protective shell
Crabs by the Sea
At the seashore, every pool and puddle left by the retreating tide seems to have a little crab in it. Little ones scuttle sideways, squeezing under rocks, peeking from a patch of seaweed, occasionally venturing out to nibble on unwary human toes.
Now and then you may see bigger crabs, in deeper, safer pools. With ponderous majesty, they wave huge claws as a warning to stay away.
On the beach, shells of crabs lay washed up by the waves. Some are from crabs that died, others are simple discarded, a dwelling too small for its growing occupant. That’s how crabs grow bigger – when their shells get too tight, they split the shell open and grow a new one.
I‘ve never talked with a crab. But I imagine the process of splitting open a shell must be painful. I’m sure that until they grow a new shell, they feel terribly defenceless and vulnerable. Because that’s how we humans feel when we crack open our shells.
Our shells aren’t visible like crabs. But they are there just the same, shells formed by years of habit, shells that protect us from other people, shells that are the roles we play as religious, teachers, children, bosses or employees.
Every now and then we crack our shells open and emerge into the new world, quivering and defenceless.
Teenagers do it as they become adults. Adults do it as they learn to let go of running their children’s lives, or when they get retrenched at work. Or when their relationships with their partner suddenly changes and they have to start all over again, alone. When they know failure, adults must change. When a dream disappears, again change is necessary. In all these traumas of life, a shell is being broken. A new vulnerable life is started.
Like a shell, the longer that shell has been growing around us, the harder it is to break it open. The more painful it is to start again. The more painful the breaking becomes. Some of our shells we have worked on for generations.
No one looks for painful experiences in life. To avoid pain, we may prefer to stay locked into shells that no longer fit very well, rather than risk the vulnerability of cracking them open. But when a crab’s shell becomes too thick, too protective, too tough to crack open and start again, then the crab cannot grow any more. That’s when it dies.
~ Author unknown
Thus when we stand at the cross roads we have a choice to make. Can we crack open our protective shells and make the changes necessary for growth? Sometimes we need to be vulnerable for a while, we need to cry, or even hit “rock bottom”, before we can understand that without change, like to crab we cannot possibly move forward. We must change ourselves.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl